The drive back to Salt Lake wasn’t near has fun as the ride down! I ended up with a migraine, most likely from the stress of saying goodbye to my son, and trying not to run off the road through my tears!
Ok the tears did stop before we were out of Provo, but it was a quite ride back. We stopped to get something to eat,because food is my comfort, and as we were parking I noticed that an hour had past since I had dropped off my son. I made the comment, well one hour down, how many left? It took us awhile to get the math all worked out , 17,530 more to go! ( Don’t ever count down your missionary’s time in hours, it will only depress you!)
I couldn’t help but think about what he was doing, how was his first hours going, does he have a cool companion??? Is he being a cool companion?? I was wishing he could just send a quick text letting me know that all is well! It really is hard not knowing!
I was able to talk to my bother who had gone on a mission about a million years ago, ok just about 17 years, but anyway I just wanted to find out what my son may be doing during the first day or so at the MTC. I’m a talker and it helps me a lot to talk thing out, so it did help to talk to my brother.
That night I cried myself to sleep, not because I was missing my son, but that I was morning our relationship. I knew that it would never be the same. Even when he comes home he will be different and off to college, and life on his own! I know that it is good and that I don’t want things to stay the same, because that would mean my son was a bum and no one wants a bum for a son! Its time for him to be out of the nest. Knowing that is what you want doesn’t make the pain any less.
All of these tears surprised me. I had been dreaming of and wanting my son to go on a mission for 19 years , so I thought, silly me, that yes I would miss him, but my joy would take over the missing him part! Boy was I wrong! I couldn’t say his name without tearing up! I kept saying to myself, “There’s nowhere I would rather he be than where he is right now, not even with me!”
Just as a side note, it has been 17 months now since I dropped him off, and I am still wondering if I can ever say his name without the tears bubbling up!
Just be prepared to be surprised by whatever your reaction may be. There is no “right” way to feel or react. Just know there is nowhere else you would rather they be!