I couldn’t believe just how much I was missing my son! I keep wondering how long it is going to take before I can say his name or hear his name without tearing up, or down right crying! I had not expected to be so emotional, after all he was doing exactly what I wanted him to be doing. I guess the tears came from me mourning the loss of our relationship and knew it was never going to be the same and not being sure how it was going to be from now on.
Before he left we had spent a lot of time together. He would even going grocery shopping with me, so the first time I did that alone was crazy hard. Not only did he go with me he worked at the grocery store I would shop. I walked through that store and kept having to tell myself K.I.T. (keep it together)! I just couldn’t believe how hard it was just to go shopping!
As I was driving down the road I would look at the empty sit next to me and would be brought to tears! I would have to get mad at myself and say quit it! There is no where you would rather him be, not even in that seat next to you!
I think it must be something all mothers go through whether their child is serving a mission, going to college, or just moving out on their own. It’s a catch 22. you don’t want them to really live at your house forever, but you don’t want them to leave.
I guess what I am saying is that it very normal to feel sadness even if your child is doing exactly what you have taught them to do their whole lives. Don’t think there is something wrong with you if you are feeling sad, it is very normal. Just don’t let the sadness over take the joy of having your child serving the Lord, and being able to be an missionary mom!
After awhile it did get better, but I don’t think I ever got to the point where I could say his name without tearing up, but that’s because I was a very proud momma!